Un pedazo de tristeza

Es como la tercera vez que empiezo esta cosa. Me siento triste... como si me hubiera decepcionado, creyendo cosas que los demás me decían hasta que no las pude distinguir de la verdad de lo que sentía realmente. Pero bueno, ¿qué es la verdad cuando nos toca hablar de cosas del corazón, de los sentimientos? Ya casi me he rendido con respecto a ese asunto. De veras - casi creo que no hay verdad ni ilusión en eso que llamamos sentimiento. Es verdad porque lo sentimos, y a la vez, no contiene ni la menor parte de esa verdad objetiva fuera de lo que lo que proviene de la mente de uno mismo. Bueno, dices que sueno algo decepcionada, tal vez desilusionada con los sentimientos, hasta con la humanidad. A cierto punto, tendrías razón. Pero más que nada, creo que he perdido la confianza en mí mismo, porque me creí una persona amable, por lo menos esperando lo mejor para los demás, y he aquí un amigo con el que he vaciado el significado de la amistad, siento... O bueno, tal vez nada más hice lo que tuve que hacer, pero sea lo que sea, me siento toda la ingrata hoy.

You sickly thing

So this seems like the perfect day to write a blog entry (I admit that I've left it behind for quite some time now - well, only a few days, really) since I've got the whoooole day to myself. And my whoooole bedroom to myself. In fact, people probably wouldn't even appreciate it if I stepped outside the bounds of my bedroom for very long. What is this, you may ask? I seem to have come down with strep throat (most likely). Fortunately, somewhere amidst the feeling cold despite being under three blankets, having a headache, and having a song stuck in my head (well, that wasn't really that bad - haha), I've started to feel better, probably thanks to the aspirin I took a while back. It is interesting: I know that my roommate Margaret has heard (from a qualified source) that in general, unless the fever is really bad, it's generally better to not treat it so that your body can just do what it's trying to do, fever and all. It sounds good in theory (and it makes me wonder just a bit if I really should have taken that aspirin), but it sounds rather miserable in practice, too. So, who knows.

I think I'll get the most out of this computer and the internet today, if I'm going to be in bed all day. Part of me really wishes they had two things you could watch online: episodes of Star Trek TNG and episodes of House (I think I've already seen all the episodes from one of the sites I use). Ah, well - we'll see how things go. Sorry this blog has turned into an anticipation of what I'll do the rest of the day than a reflection on what's already happened. Or, well, I guess it can be whatever I want it to be, right?

Mary out, now.

Pensamientos no tan profundos

So I'm a bit tired and headachey right now. Perhaps that's not the most eloquent way to start off a blog entry. Ah, well.

Tonight we had a roommate dinner. Margaret made some delicious rice and chicken with a homemade peanut sauce. Afterwards, we contemplated the implications of seed people that sprout from seeds and are NOT crossed with vegetables but that only last as long as vegetables do - this was some sort of art project being done by someone Emma knows.

I'm coming up with a schedule for when classes start for me next Wednesday. I find it interesting that I am so all about spontaneity, yet I really like making schedules (not necessarily following them!) and the idea of regularity (at least sometimes). They make me happy.

See? Now I'm not feeling so bad. Talking to my sister has helped too.

Now I'm going to go. I owe Margaret a neck massage, and I would love to get some sleep. For once. ;)


Mary, signing out

Is it bad to post a new entry just to post something?

This is the question that comes to mind right now. I guess I don't really even have a good reason to post anything right now! In fact, the only 'new' bit of news that I guess I would have is that I'm about to clean the bathroom, and what sort of news is that?

Nah, but really - I went to this Board of Trustees meeting after all, and it was quite a good experience after all. It was pleasant to sit in on it with Sarah while she was there, and then after the whole meeting was over (three hours early, I might add!), one of the members held the door open for me as I walked out and commented, "And she comes just in time for lunch to stay until the end of the meeting." It was so neat to meet him, though - it was his family (grandfather, I believe) that was heavily involved in a lot of foundational things at SMU. Indeed, SMU was what I immediately thought of when I first found out his last name - Caruth (like, Caruth Auditorium in the Music Building?) -- awesome! He seemed really nice, too.

Anyway, I guess I'll go clean the bathroom now. My standard cleaning arrangement consists of loud music playing. In fact, it's hard to imagine a successful cleaning session without loud music playing. So here I go, to go blast some really loud music and make dusty gunk go away! :o)

Rainy nights

"And when the rain beats against my window pane, I think of summer days again and dream of you..."

I love that song. It makes me happy, and I do think of summer days (and nights -- ohhh, how I love warm summer nights in Texas), and I just like the rain overall. Especially when it's beating against my windowpane at night, as it is now. I love the feeling of nostalgia and pondering it brings. I just sort of like sitting in bed and thinking overall. :)

I'm liking the idea of setting a certain time to get ready for bed and then just sitting in bed doing whatever until I get reeeeeally sleepy, until I put my computer or book or what-have-you down or lay it on my chest as if I were going to pick it up minutes later and resume as if nothing happened and fall asleep. :) I generally rebel against the idea of having a bedtime, but this I can handle. And I do like getting up early in the morning; I just never do it (anymore, or at least right now, while class is not in session for me) because I end up going to bed so late. Tonight will be an exception (I have to sit in as a student rep on a Board of Trustees meeting at our school early tomorrow morning, so I'm in bed just a bit earlier than normal. ^^

It's nice to spend time with myself once again. After a full schedule last bimester and a hectic, whirlwind trip around some northern parts of our country after Christmas, and even after spending much time out of the house with other people earlier this month, it's nice to sit back and be with myself. There's kind of an old, familiar feeling to it, as if I know myself from somewhere way back when...

It's a bit unfortunate that my power cord for the laptop has decided to die on me. My dad said he can do what sounds to me an awful lot like power cord surgery: he said he will cut the cord open and splice together some wires inside. I asked if there would be a risk of electrocution, but he he thought I meant while he carried out this procedure, and he kind of chuckled and said that he would have the cord unplugged while he worked on it. When I asked if there would be any risk afterwards, (I mean, [at least once] open wires, right? Come on!) he said that you would feel it if you touched the wire to your tongue, but otherwise, you wouldn't even notice. So I guess I'll be okay as long as I don't get a sudden urge to lick my power cord afterwards, and even then, I guess I'd be okay.

Anyway, my point in saying all that about the power cord (besides just to say it - I like writing, I think. At least sometimes.) is that I only have a limited amount of time to write tonight. Which I guess is good, because I really do need to get enough sleep to be nice and alert tomorrow, I guess. I was a little worried at first -- I thought that as one of the student reps (Sarah M. is going to be the other one, the main one), I might have to carry the weight of the collective student conscience on my shoulders and speak up absolutely every time I thought I could make a difference in any small way that would benefit the student body. Man, what a responsibility that would be. But the GIAL person that Sarah and I talked to today told us that the other people would probably do a lot of the talking and that we would only be expected to pipe up if they asked us a question or if we did want to say something about what the students might think about something or how something could help them -- us. I'm still a little bit nervous, I guess, about whatever our responsibilities will be for tomorrow, but I guess I should just try to relax and let things unfold the way they will.

Wow. I actually find that I'm getting a bit sleepy (maybe it's all that talk about the meeting tomorrow!) Oh! I do have some exciting news. Tomorrow, I'll be traveling up to Plano to see a popular Christian music artist from Brazil named Atilano Muradas, somebody I've admired from afar ever since Tom Avery lent me one of his CDs ("Brasileiros") back in the spring of '08. I might go with my roommate and with Garry. It will be fun - I loooove his music, his personality (at least from what I can gather from watching YouTube videos and hearing other people talk about him and such :)), and his spirit!

Okay, now I'm gong to close. I'm going to go write in a more private journal that won't be posted online. And my battery is due to run out in 16 minutes. So, be well, all of you, good readers, and know that I am glad that you are reading. :) You are friends, and I wish you well!

Good night.


Mary

An initial bit of writing

This is exciting, sort of. I used to use a Xanga when I was in high school, but recently (like, just tonight), I got the idea of creating a blog somewhere else from a somewhat disillusioned Xanga user - a guy who was sort of fed up with a lot of the content Xanga blogs had started to (well, probably not just started to) show up with. So, I thought I would move, too, or at least make a new blog. :) I like new things sometimes. They are fun to play around with and give the sense of a new beginning, at least in some cases.

So, I suppose I shouldn't write too much for tonight, since it's getting rather late. One of my biggest hangups before with blogs was that I never felt like I could post personal information or name any names in fear that somebody who knew that somebody - or something like that - would read the blog and be affected by it in some sort of way. I was a real big gotta-live-for-what-other-people-think sort of person. Still am, I guess - in a way. But I think I'm understanding a bit more that while it's good to respect others at all times, actually - not just while blogging - it's also okay to voice my own opinions. I think. Anyway, we'll see what happens if I do voice my own opinions. Wow, scary. :)